And for the first time in a really long time it was like we were just one again, I felt like I was the only thing in world that mattered, the one he has ever wanted. He was making love with me, we were actually connecting, and even tough that it may not mean a lot to most people, for me it was a sign that not everything was lost. I loved him since the day we’ve met, I know that I will always do, and the fact that I thought, even if just for a minute, that he was slipping through my fingers could be erased with just an action meant that all the fight we’ve put up until now was having results, we were still worth the shot.

And now I find myself awake at night after a horribly great movie, I just couldn’t sleep, and from any day now I will be going far away and I don’t really know what the future has reserved for me, for us, all I know is that I’ve lost him once and I think I can’t bear to lose him again, I can’t stop thinking if I am being selfish pursuing my dream and most of all if I am being naïve assuming that he is going to be waiting for me. I genuinely hope that I can achieve both things, a perfect life with him and my dream career, but honestly, does he really think I am worth all the trouble? All the waiting? I hope so, because I truly believe that we are meant to be, not like a fairy tale, I don’t want a perfect ending, I mean, I don’t even want it to end, I want a messy but happy life, I don’t mind if there is a little drama in the mix, how harmful could it be? I want to live and not miss a thing, and I want to be able to do it and share it with him.

I know he loves me, but love is a tricky thing, isn’t it? It’s like it can give you everything and it also can take it all away, and you don’t control it, you don’t choose when, where, how you’re going to start or stopping loving a person or a place, it just happens, and sometimes you love someone so much but it may not be enough even if they love you back, because, you see, love isn’t always about just love, it’s about connecting and being there, so I hope that he doesn’t look at me going somewhere else, for some time, like me not wanting to be there for him, like me giving up on him, because I’m not, I will never.

Who knows how it will turn? Great hopefully, just great.